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Control
By karen | February 24, 2007
Trying to control conditions is futile. Waiting on the world to change before you can be happy is insanity. The fact of the matter is that no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do or say, no matter how many groups of factions you join, you are not going to be able to control all conditions.
I did not say that you would not be able to affect change. You may be part of something that can affect changes in your own sphere of life or even changes in the world, but that is a different post for a different day with a different purpose. But to actually control conditions, to mold outside forces and conditions to your own stipulations of perfection is not attainable.
There is only one thing in this world that you have absolute and total control over and that is your own thoughts, your own actions and your own vibrations. You cannot control outside forces. You can only control yourself. Sometimes even that is quite the challenge.
Some years back I had some clients looking for a house (yeah, that would be me the Real Estate Agent). For the sake of the story I am going to call them Brett and Susan (one or both names have been changed to protect the innocent which in this case is me!)
They hadn’t been married too long but they had settled into very defined roles. Her role was to be mean, controlling and arbitrary and his role was to make her happy. Both parties had reached a tacit agreement that this is the way life should be. So Brett would absolutely walk around on eggshells, jump through hoops and do anything and everything she asked or wanted and basically his life was pure misery. Because of course, his purpose in that relationship was just to make her happy which, I can promise you, was an impossible feat. Something that made her happy on one day would send her into a flying tizzy the next. As I quietly watched from the sidelines I could see that no matter what he did he could never consistently make her happy. Never. He was in a no-win situation all the way around.
Well as you may be aware, when you get a mortgage your life tends to get laid out to the bare bones. Mortgage companies need to know all about you if they are going to loan you hundreds of thousands of dollars. So essentially the secrets come out. Well unfortunately for Brett, he had a small secret. It was a minor incident that happened to him long before he met Susan, long before they were married, long before it should have even mattered but the mortgage company found out. It didn’t affect the mortgage that they were getting and it really was not even important. But the problem was that Brett had never confided this secret to Susan before. He had never told her this secret precisely because he knew what her reaction would be and he wanted to avoid it. He wasn’t a masochist but just a human being trying to avoid big and painful situations! But unfortunately for him, the mortgage company told Susan about this little mishap in her husbands past.
Well, needless to say, Susan was livid! I dare say the entire valley could have heard her screams! Somehow Brett was able to calm her but then since she wanted to stay married yet still blame someone else it became the mortgage brokers fault and of course, the Real Estate agents fault. It was a miserable situation for everyone because no one could do anything right mostly because everything and everybody was supposed to make her happy and it was impossible to make her happy.
Susan was always waiting on the world to change, waiting for conditions to change, expecting someone else to make her happy. She was always trying to control this and control that, control her husband, and control all of the outside conditions before she could be happy. When the truth of the matter is you can’t control outside forces and the only thing you can control is yourself and your own thoughts.
She was the only person alive that had the power to make herself happy. No one else could do it. If she would let go of some of that need to control, that need to make someone else twist themselves into a pretzel to make her happy, that need to have only perfect conditions, she could have realized that she had the power to be happy on her own, by herself, for the rest of her life.
I’m not sure what became of Susan and Brett. I sometimes imagine him twisted into an intricate pretzel, jumping through hoops (a vision that makes me laugh out loud!) and she is still screaming, yelling and bullying him around but I really don’t know. Sorry to say but I am thankful that I lost track of them.
No one should ever be given the job of creating someone else’s happiness. It’s not possible. If you want to be happy, make yourself happy. You are the only one with the power to make yourself happy, the power to control your life, the power to create what you want.
It is only you. Make some good choices.
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This post has been selected to be part of the Personal Development Carnival. This week of 3/4/7 it is located at Balanced Life Center
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Topics: Living the Power, Personal Development, Real Life |
March 3rd, 2007 at 11:56 pm
[...] Karen Lynch presents Control posted at Live The Power. [...]
June 4th, 2007 at 12:26 pm
I need a live power bvecause I love magic power so when do I get it.
Thank you
Sincerely
Maraphalla
June 4th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
Maraphalla,
The power is within you. You have to learn how to tap into it yourself. I can only offer advice and guidance on how you can find it within yourself. Read the blog. Take heed of what resonates with your heart!
Best wishes and Joy to you!
July 23rd, 2007 at 4:23 pm
Yikes! Sounds like pour Brett needs to do some serious day dreaming.