Congruence in Mind, Heart and Soul

A very important concept to consider when you are on a course of personal development is congruence or harmony. Many times we fail to reach our objectives because deep in our mind, heart and soul we have a lack of harmony towards the things that we want.

Let me try to clear that up a bit. Have you ever felt that part of you wants this and the other part of you wants that and neither are consistent with the other so which direction do you take?

Here is a real life example that many will remember. Some may be too young but the concept is what is important here.

When I was a young child many of the women role models on T.V. were moms who stayed home and took care of households and children. Remember Samantha from Bewitched, Beavers Mom and Carol Brady?
The only real “work outside of the home” women on T.V. from those days was Mary Tyler Moore and “That Girl” but neither of them were married and they definitely did not have kids.

Then things started changing. Helen Reddy was singing “I am woman, hear me roar” on the radio and on T.V. there was the famous “Enjoli” commercial. Remember?

A beautiful woman in a business suit and glasses, comes home, takes off her suit jacket and her glasses, lets down her hair, grabs the frying pan and all the while she is singing

(That must have been some amazing perfume! “Superwoman in a bottle” Can I get some of that? As every mom knows there are days that we could use some of that kind of magic!)

And therein lies the conflict. Can you see how the two different role models were incongruent?

Now sure it is easy enough to say “well, just pick one or the other” but often that is easier said than done. Especially if you are someone with enough insight to see the benefits of both worlds. Career Success and monetary achievement is a very commendable and desirable ambition but families and children, kisses and hugs, soccer games and swimming lessons can also lead to a very satisfying life.

For many years women tried to “have it all” and perhaps we can “have it all” maybe not just all at the same time.

And we also need to determine just what “having it all” means to us individually. In my previous profession, there is a woman who has created a very successful empire. She is the one that everyone watches. She is the role model. I watched her and I learned from her and I admired her success. But one day I learned of the price she paid for that success. When I met her she had two teenage children. When her children were small, she hired a nanny to take care of them during the day, (which is actually a wonderful solution to daycare needs) but she also hired a different nanny to take care of them during the evenings and through the night. She would regularly work until 11:00 pm and even later as she was building her business. She said that the “quality time” she spent with her family was on their annual trip to Disneyland. Her choices worked for her and she was happy with her choices. In her eyes she “had it all”.

But in my eyes the price she paid was too high, way too high. As I watched her and I realized this I developed a disempowering lack of harmony and congruence in my own goals towards that business. Part of me wanted to have great success like hers but another part of me said “if I have to do it like that, I don‘t want it.” So consequently there was a bit of self-sabotage going on. I was often torn between courses of action. Many times my efforts were only half-hearted attempts and I didn’t put my whole heart and soul into my goals. Looking back it’s clear to me but at the time it was just chaos.

So it is important to find harmony and congruence in all of the important aspects of your life as you are striving for your dreams and your goals. Make sure that your values are being satisfied.

When your dreams are in harmony with your mind, and your heart and your soul you have no need for self-sabotage and you can and will do whatever it takes to make your dreams come true.

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