Traps and Puzzles and the Flow of Life

You may have noticed my last post, #300 where I was wondering if this blog had fulfilled its purpose. I was questioning my reasons for writing here, my reasons for continuing here. Well, I’ve given it some thought, some contemplations, some reflections.

The fact of the matter is that I love to write. I love to write here. The subjects of this blog are a passion, part of the intricacies and wonders of this life that we all live, this Universe that we are all a part of. When I sit down to write and I get into the flow, there is nothing in this world that can pull me away. I am in joy. I am in awe.

I am truly and completely happy.

But blogging has its own energy. Blogging is not just writing. I got caught up in the “trying too hard” with the other stuff.

What happens when you try to hard? You lose the flow. What was once effortless and joyful becomes forced and structured. You wonder what happened to the fun? What happened to the Joy?

My middle daughter loves to swim. She is 3 years old and in a level 2 class. I watch her and she just joyously and effortlessly does everything her teacher asks her to do. She doesn’t try to float, she floats. She doesn’t try to glide, she glides.
Many of her classmates struggle with the same principle, their little bodies are stiff and inflexible, they have a fear of the water, they try, oh so hard, but they don’t float, they don‘t glide. They struggle. While I watch my daughter as she effortlessly just does it, I can so clearly see about “trying to hard”.

In order to float you must relax and allow yourself to do so.

In order to fulfill the purpose of this blog I must relax and allow it to be what it will be.

For many months, even years, I have been learning about going with the flow, relaxing into the current of life, finding the joy. Many times I have been there. I have felt the energy of the flow of life. I’ve had times where things just work. There is no “try” just “flow”. It is magnificent.

But sometimes like everyone else, I’m sure, I get caught up in the traps and the puzzles that life offers to all of us at times.

I did that with this blog. I got caught up in the numbers, the readers, the subscribers. I think that many bloggers probably love that stuff. They love the competition. They love to see the stats. They see their blog climbing the ranks of Technorati and Alexa and for them it feels good. For me it doesn’t. For me it does not feel good to watch those numbers. The ups and the downs turn into the highest highs and the lowest lows. The flow of my life includes an even stream, an even current. If you are reading this I appreciate you and I send you my deep gratitude and my love. But to me you are not a number to be watched. If I write something that touches you, if I can inspire you, if I can give you another way to look at your life and your thoughts, then the purpose of my blog is fulfilled. The purpose of this blog is to inspire the readers and allow me to fulfill my passion to write. It is not to count the numbers, watching them rise and fall with every effort. It is not to be the blog with the most traffic, the most readers. I realize that the majority of the messages here are not the things that appeal to everybody. But then again, what does?

This past week in my reflections this concept was presented to me again and again, in different ways and different words. I have a few posts percolating in my head right now about how this came to me over and over.

I love to write, I’ll be here with some new wisdom.

For now, I am going to do what I love, here on this blog and elsewhere.

If people are attracted to it and read it I am grateful and honored, joyful and happy but I am going to let go of watching and wondering, fretting and fumbling. The people who are attracted to my writing and my blog will be here and the others won’t.

And that is okay.